Forget elephants – if there’s a pregnant lady in the room she’s going to attract attention! There’s just something about a baby bump that seems to invite crazy comments from friends, family and complete strangers.
For example, you’re in the supermarket and a guy in the dairy aisle asks if you’re having triplets (you’re not). Or you’re a day away from going on maternity leave and a colleague asks if you’re going to have another one. You know, after this one. Geez, give a girl a break!
Crazy things people say
To share in some more classic moments, we asked the Mum’s Grapevine Facebook community for the craziest (and funniest) things people said while you were pregnant.
Here are 25 of our favourites!
1. “I was wearing a green dress and one lady said to me I looked like a giant pea.”
Now, we just need to find someone dressed as ham!
2. “I was at a pub with my partner … (not drinking alcohol) and one guy turned and said ‘you should be at home in bed, shouldn’t you? Pregnant people don’t go out’.”
Yes, yes, lock us up and throw away the key.
3. “You gonna keep it?”
Umm, that was the plan …
4. “‘What are you having???’ My husband’s favourite reply was, ‘A cat’.”
Or a pony, or a unicorn or – oh yes – a BABY!
5. “My old grandma told my friend Holly that she looked like a snake who swallowed a mouse. Hmmm.”
Natural selection and all that …
6. “When finding out where I was booked to give birth, [they said], ‘Oh that’s where that midwife sat on a lady’s belly because the baby wasn’t coming out [and] the baby died.’ Seriously??”
7. “My [mother-in-law] saying, ‘I wish you wouldn’t breastfeed, bottles are better for other people in the family, I want a chance to bond with the baby too’.”
Gawd, breastfeeding mums are just so selfish …
8. “Will you give your dog away?”
We think they’re barking up the wrong tree with that comment.
9. “Are you sure? You don’t look pregnant.”
Yeah, pretty sure. Let’s call it mum’s intuition …
10. “‘Is the father of this baby the same father as the others?’ As we all stood there as a family.”
Yep, that’s him [pointing]. This guy right here, as in RIGHT HERE.
12. “Oh, I didn’t realise you were pregnant, I thought you were just overweight.”
Not really a compliment, fella.
13. “My husband’s uncle, upon seeing me pregnant at Christmas, told me I’d been eating too many pumpkin seeds. I said if I’d known that was all I had to do, we wouldn’t have wasted money on IVF.”
Uncle jokes. Like dad jokes, only worse …
14. “My son asked my friend how her baby got in there and did she eat it? He was four lol.”
From the mouths of babes …
15. “‘Did you get bad hangovers when you were pregnant, as mine are horrendous!’
Different strokes for different folks, eh?
16. “Don’t worry, when baby’s born you’ll lose the weight.”
Ah, thank you, that’s exactly what we wanted to hear!
17. “‘What did you have?”‘ Lol, I was still pregnant, with three weeks to go.”
The slightly premature question …
18. “‘Look!!! It’s Makka Pakka!!!’ Said by a three-year-old, and to be fair I was wearing a grey jumper …”
In The Night Garden is, like, totally nailing maternity style.
19. “Don’t have any more children, dear. The world is a horrible place.”
Yep, the apocalypse is nigh …
20. “If you reach your hands above your head, the umbilical cord will snap.”
21. “You can tell you’re having a girl. When you’re pregnant with a girl, you just blow up all over”
Uh-huh … Except it’s a boy …
22. “You’re having a boy … I can tell by the way your boobs are hanging.”
Oh, look at that, it’s a girl!
23. “Can we use your breast milk? My daughter has an earache and it helps earaches heal.”
Perhaps try the chemist …
24.”How long have you been trying?”
Because suddenly your sex life is everyone’s business.
25. “I was asked if I did it ‘a special way’ to conceive twins. With a straight face I told her that I jumped from the wardrobe into the ceiling fan … did three spins and landed on top.”
Don’t forget the pumpkin seeds while you’re up there!
Want to read more?
Join the conversation over on our Facebook page and see what other crazy things people say to pregnant women … click here!