Mother’s Day is the best; breakfast in bed, homemade cards and big sloppy kisses, we can’t wait! And we’ve been dropping hints about what we’d like. Although here are a few things we’d really like that you won’t find in a Mother’s Day catalogue …
1. Not being “the mean one”
Seriously, no one likes being the enforcer. No one actually enjoys telling off their child. And no one likes denying their child a second piece of chocolate cake (I mean, we want one too!). What we’d really love for Mother’s Day is to be the nice one, the fun one, all day. You want icecream? You got it! Drawing on the walls? Express yourself! Want that giant My Little Pony that totally won’t fit in your room? Here’s my credit card! For one day, how about someone else deal with all the negative consequences and we can just be the nice one who says yes!
2. Good taste
Individuality is awesome and to be encouraged. And experimenting with fashion and knowing what you like is to be applauded. But there are times when our children’s taste makes us cringe. Walking down the street, you want to tell strangers you tried to discourage your offspring from wearing those tatty tracky pants (why do they love them so much?). Or alerting other drivers to the fact that, no, it wasn’t you who wanted to listen to that One Direction track on repeat, at full volume. Well only that one time…
3. Uninterrupted sleep
We knew before having children that interrupted sleep comes with the territory, and we’re ok with that. But still… wouldn’t it be nice (wouldn’t it be really nice) to not be awoken by the pitter patter of small feet edging towards our side of the bed in the wee hours of the morn? We love nothing more than soothing our little ones in the twilight hours, but what we really want for Mother’s Day is for the boisterous brood went to fall into blissful, uninterrupted slumber for the whole night.
4. A day not talking about poo
Poo that has escaped the nappy. Poo that made it in to the potty (and the cheering required). Poo that somehow missed the potty. Poo with corn in it. Yes, Mummy poops, Daddy poops, everyone poops! Poo in some form or another has become a popular topic in our household. And we’re ok with that. But even so… we’d love to have one day in which we simply didn’t need to talk about it.
5. Impractical accessories
Once upon a time, we used to delight in wearing delicate, intricate jewellry: spangly multi-layered necklaces or huge, dangly earrings. But that was before exploring, inquisitive hands tugged at every glittering accoutrement. Now confined to the jewellery box, we occasionally get all nostalgic for the days in which we could accessorise with the most impractical items simply because we wanted to. Give us tottering heels and the ability to wear white!
6. To pick up our keys and walk out the door
Remember in the old days when you’d just be ready to leave and walk out the door? How magical and speedy that seems now! These days, picking up our keys is always the cue for a drama of epic proportions. Nappies need changing, toys must be found, and, as always, lost shoes. Oh to simply walk out the door without something going wrong!
7. Clean clothes
Not our child’s. Ours. Where do all these smudges and stains come from? Every day, we end up with a yoghurt stain stain on the shoulder, or a mysterious dark mark on our jeans. Is it vegemite? Crayon? Or worse? How do all these stains get there and is it possible to get through a day without grubby little fingers rubbing on our new top? One time, we found playdough in our bra and we have no idea how it got there.
8. Watching a movie the whole way through
Oh to binge watch an entire season of Girls one evening without rising from the sofa to make warm milk or check for monsters under the bed. Not to mention visiting the cinema and missing crucial plot developments due to loo breaks or popcorn spills or a spontaneous discussion about dinosaurs. Hey it might just be Mr Peabody & Sherman but we were emotionally invested in that story arc.
9. Eating badly
We know junk food is wrong but oh the joy of scoffing a family block of Cadbury’s chocolate on your own, in one sitting. But now you are a role model and double cheeseburgers with a large Fanta are out. Instead it’s meal plans featuring nutritious couscous and savoury vegetable muffins. But… sometimes all we want at the end of a long, hard day is to dig into a big tub of Ben & Jerry’s, vegetables be damned!
10. Clean floors
For more than five minutes, pleeeease. It doesn’t matter how often we vacuum and mop, as soon as the broom is back in its place there will be an apple juice mega-spill, a toilet training accident and an entire packet of crackers spilled on the floor (then ground in to the carpet as the small culprit attempts to flee the scene). Within an hour the floor is making an audible crunching noise as you walk across it and there’s a suspiciously sticky spot near the fridge. Give us gleaming tiles and unsullied floor boards, just for one day.