Nobody tells you how much of breastfeeding is listening.
Not to advice, but to your own body.
You bring your baby to your chest. They open their mouth. There is that tiny moment of hope before they attach, a quiet breath you do not even realise you are holding.
And then you feel it.
Is that how it’s supposed to feel?
Some nipple discomfort in the first few seconds can be normal. A strong tug. A stretch. But pain that makes you hold your breath, curl your toes, or brace your shoulders every single time is a sign to seek help rather than something you should just push through.
In the early days, it can be hard to know the difference between intensity and something that is not quite right. You are both learning, and nothing feels certain yet.
What A Latch Should Feel Like
There is a difference between intensity and pain.
A comfortable latch often feels like firm pressure and pulling, especially once your milk starts to flow, rather than sharp or burning pain. You may notice your baby’s jaw moving in slow, deep motions rather than quick, shallow pecks. Their cheeks look rounded, not dimpled inward.
You might hear swallowing after those first fluttery sucks, a small pause, then another swallow.
When your baby comes off the breast, your nipple should look much the same shape as it went in. It should not look flattened, creased or pinched.
When latch is shallow, feeds can feel sharp, toe-curling or persistently tender. Nipples may crack or bleed. Your baby may seem to feed constantly but still come off unsettled.
That is not you being weak. It often means milk is not transferring as efficiently as it could be.
The way your baby attaches shapes how milk flows, and over time that shapes how much they are able to take in.
What A Deep Latch Often Looks Like
Sometimes it helps to picture it.
When your baby is deeply attached, their mouth is wide and takes in the nipple plus a good amount of the surrounding areola. You will often see more of the darker areola above their top lip than below their bottom lip because their chin is pressed firmly into your breast.
Their lips should be flanged outward rather than tucked in. Their cheeks stay rounded. You might even notice their ears gently moving as the muscles in their jaw work during sucking and swallowing.
Their nose can rest close to your breast, but they should be able to breathe comfortably and not look squashed into the breast.
If your breasts are very full or engorged, softening the area around the nipple (for example, with gentle massage or a brief express) before a feed can make it easier for your baby to latch deeply.
When they come off, your nipple should still look like itself.
This video by Dr Sears shows how to latch a baby.
When Your Baby Keeps Slipping Off
It is common in the first days for babies to latch, slip, fuss, relatch and try again.
They are learning, and so are you.
Sometimes it is simply positioning. Bringing your baby in close, chest to chest, and waiting for that wide open mouth before guiding them on can help create a deeper latch. When you brush your nipple gently against their lip and they turn towards it and open wide, that rooting reflex is often your cue.
Sometimes there is more going on.
Tongue tie can affect how well a baby maintains a deep latch. If your baby clicks while feeding, has trouble staying attached, or your nipples remain damaged despite adjustments, it may be worth having an assessment.
An International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) or other breastfeeding‑trained health professional can watch a full feed and help with latch, possible tongue tie, milk supply or positioning.
In Australia, your maternal and child health nurse or GP can monitor weight gain and provide breastfeeding support in the early weeks.
The Milk Supply Spiral
When latch hurts, the fear underneath is often about milk supply.
If they are not latching properly, are they getting enough milk?
If by around day five your baby has at least six wet nappies in 24 hours and weight is starting to increase after the normal early weight loss, these are reassuring signs that they are likely getting enough milk. Many babies regain their birth weight by about 2 weeks and then gain around 150–200 grams per week on average in the first few months, though individual patterns can vary.
Even when feeds don’t feel “perfect”, babies can still get enough milk as long as growth, nappies and overall wellbeing are on track.
But if weight gain stalls, feeds remain painful, or your baby seems constantly unsettled at the breast, that is not something to sit with alone.
Cluster feeding can also confuse this picture. When your baby feeds very frequently in short windows, especially in the evenings, it does not automatically mean poor latch or low supply. It often happens around growth spurts or developmental stages and usually settles over time.
Formula, Expressing And Mixed Feeding
If you are expressing breast milk or supplementing with formula, latch still matters when breastfeeding is part of the mix. A shallow latch can affect stimulation and influence milk supply over time.
If you are exclusively bottle feeding, paying attention to teat position, flow rate and your baby’s pace, steady sucks and swallows, not frequent gagging or choking, helps feeding stay comfortable and safe.
The serving guide on a formula tin is only a guide; your baby’s feeding cues, growth and nappies are more important than exact volumes.
When To Ask For Help
- If breastfeeding pain persists beyond the first week, or is getting worse at any time.
- If nipples are cracked, bleeding or misshapen after feeds.
- If your baby is not gaining weight as expected on growth charts, or if you are worried about their growth.
- If, after about day five, your baby usually has fewer than six wet nappies in 24 hours.
- If jaundice seems to worsen, your baby is very sleepy and not feeding well, or you are worried about dehydration or illness.
These are moments to reach out.
In Australia, your local maternal and child health service offers free growth checks and early‑parenting support, including feeding. The Australian Breastfeeding Association offers a free national helpline and peer support from trained breastfeeding counsellors. An IBCLC lactation consultant can assess latch, tongue function, milk supply and positioning in more detail.
Seeking help is not a sign of failing; it is a natural part of learning something no one is born knowing.
If You Are Sitting There Wondering
Latch is not instinctive for every baby. It is a skill, a coordination between two people who have only just met.
It is normal for it to take time.
Inside our Mum’s Grapevine Facebook Groups, this question comes up again and again. Not because mums are doing it wrong, but because the early weeks are a blur of trial, adjustment and second-guessing.
If feeds are gradually becoming more comfortable, if you can hear swallowing, and if nappies are wet and weight is rising, you are likely on the right track.
Breastfeeding does not have to look or feel perfect to be working well. It simply needs support.
And you do not have to figure it out alone.
First published: January 2018
Last updated: March 2026
